**This article is discussing the exchange of explicit photos ONLY in circumstances between consenting adults**
The nude has been a ubiquitous part of human existence for *literally millenia* but in the 21st century, bae is unlikely to send you a sculpted marble likeness of their junk to get you in the mood. For the modern adult armed with a smartphone and a front-facing camera, encountering a nude selfie or two (hundred) is far more likely, so here are eight varieties of nude that you’ll probably take, send or receive in your lifetime.
1. The Feelin’ Yoself
You don’t know what it is, but damn you’re lookin good today. Is it the fresh lingerie you just bought yourself? The morning sun hitting your skin juuuust right? Maybe you just look this fine every. Single. Day. Who cares, you’ve gotta capture that feeling: you take numerous mirror shots of yourself in every imaginable pose. You contort yourself on your bed to get the right top-down angle. You use props. You pout. You cover yourself in rose-petals, American Beauty Style. Bask in that self-love, baby.
2. The Tease
Sometimes, you gotta leave something to the imagination. A flirty smile and some definitive cleavage, or maybe the not-so-subtle outline of what’s hidden beneath those grey track pants… A classic for budding relationships, the intent is cheeky but with just enough plausible deniability to maintain complete innocence.
3. The Junk Shot
Exactly as it sounds. Wham. Get it out. Bam. Take a pic. Job done.
A gender-neutral term analogous to the penis-specific “dick pic”.
4. The Flash
Time is of the essence. Phone battery running low? Bae wants a nude and you can’t make it look like you’ve tried too hard? You’ve got a yoga class to attend in 15 minutes? It’s time to put the engines into hyperdrive. Shave only what is necessary, use a filter to hide any imperfections, pick a classic pose and go with the best shot you can manage in under 8 attempts. A last-minute dash doesn’t make for your finest work, but the recipient will be more than grateful anyway.
Disambiguation: The strategic use of flash photography to accentuate/obfuscate particular body parts.
5. The Almost Perfect
Like, your boobs look awesome in this one…but why is your face doing that weird crumply thing? Your booty is really POPPIN when you pose like that…..but your arm is at a really awkward angle? You look so good in the mirror, but the camera just can’t quite capture the raw sensuous energy that you were so sure you were giving off.
6. The Archive
Taking nudes can be hard work. When you want to provide the goods, but you also don’t wanna pause Netflix, or change out of your pyjamas, go for a dip into the hidden folder in your photo library. That sexy shot you took last month should do the trick, and they won’t know any different – just make sure you haven’t sent it before.
7. The Experimental
“I wonder what I look like when I do *insert unconventional pose here*”. You haven’t tried it before, and it’s not the sort of thing that you’d usually go in for, but you reckon you’ll look absolutely fire if you just – nope. NOPE. Nevermind. Delete. That one’s just not for you. How the fuck do porn stars make that look alluring? You look like 14 value-sized bags of room-temperature shredded cheese stapled together. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try something else, though…
8. The Welcome Surprise
Like a sunny day when rain was forecasted, or an extra Malteaser at the bottom of the packet when you thought it was empty. You weren’t expecting it, but you’re definitely grateful.
Which of these nudes have you received (or taken)? Share your story with us using #bareitall on Instagram or comment below. Click here for our cheat sheet on how to navigate these laws and regulations when sexting. Be safe x